Success … headlines of popular media, names of courses and trainings shout about him. It would seem that it is enough to choose a training, go to classes and “catch it by the tail”. But for some reason, the lion’s share of running for success in the end remains in the same place or even “rolls back”. And often such an effect occurs when to the top of the mountain is already a stone’s throw. Why is it so scary for us to take a decisive step?

If something does not work out, you need to look for specific reasons. Most likely, it is more profitable for us to stay in place in our comfort zone, no matter how gloomy it may seem at first glance. Successful people can say anything, and their swamp is always the sweetest – warm, viscous and does not blow. And get out of it scary.

What are we afraid of?

1. Accept changes. Any victory or achievement is an exit to a new round of life. Everything will not be like before. In words, we are ready to confidently declare our readiness for changes. But in fact we are afraid to lose important trifles that consists of life. We do not want to change habits, environment and lifestyle, we worry that we will not cope. So we hand back. Sometimes just a couple of steps to win.

2. Lose the support of loved ones. When we change, the environment cannot remain the same. New qualities and actions can cause a negative assessment and even envy of the closest. Subconsciously, they can strive to detain us at the same level, to create conditions under which we ourselves will not want to change anything. Alas, in some cases it comes to direct ultimatums: “Either I, or your new job”.

3. Do not live up to expectations. Erich Maria Remarck said: “Whoever does not wait for anything will never be disappointed”. Alas, in real life we are far from this level of enlightenment. We expect from children that they will become successful and implement our ambitions, from parents – participation, help and non -interference, from friends of admiration and support, from colleagues – a high appreciation of our merits.

Even from the seller in the store, we are waiting for a smile and good mood, as well as the presence of bargaining bills at the checkout. In the same way, they constantly expect something from us and remind us of this at every step. And not to justify the expectations of loved ones are very scary.

4. Tackle on a false path. Our heads are full of stamps and stereotypes. “Successful and rich to be dangerous”, “They don’t bring money to good”, “Do you want to live – do not lean out”, “It is better to be poor and honest than a rich fraudster”. And who originally wants to be bad? So we retreat for a step from success, so as not to roll along the inclined.

5. Take one’s place out of place. The number of “vacancies” for success is limited. That is, we can “sit down” someone who is better than us and deserves this place more. But this is how you can spend your whole life, burning others and without even thinking that there is enough space on the top to everyone.

6. Achieve the wrong one. It is terrible to come to the top and understand that the goal was originally chosen incorrectly, that we put the ladder to the wrong wall. How then to survive the collapse of hopes?

7. Lost the meaning of life. Cherling a dream is commendable. She warms the soul even on the coldest days, gives strength and energy for movement. But the stronger you want to achieve the goal, the more slowly you act before the finale. After all, if the dream comes true, what to do next? How to live without a guiding star?

How to afford to be successful?

Many psychologists talk about such a concept as allowing yourself. The mechanism acts unconsciously, it has very deep roots. But to increase the chances, you can try:

1. Learn the new. Use any opportunity for this: to learn new languages by spans and videos on the network, try new hobbies, instead of the tape of social networks, read professional literature, start running in the morning or dance salsa. Scientists have long proved that constant training in the new contributes to the development of the brain. Forming new neural connections, we make life more interesting and saturated, and therefore more productive.

2. Find support from people with similar interests. If you start a business, join the Club of Entrepreneurs, in your city or online. Write books? The road to the writer’s community. In any direction, you can find a company of like -minded people who will support, prompt, help, help with a word or business at the right time. It is difficult to develop alone, and the company is easier and more fun, and the taste of victory will be divided with. And there you can also find experienced mentors who will help to master the new with specific examples.

3. Make a job for true purposes. Is the path that you chose really true? Does he answer your values? It is not as difficult to analyze as it seems at first glance. It is enough to make a list of

important spheres of life for you and for each area to paint the desired achievements in detail and without the desire to evaluate anything.

When prescribing every goal, close your eyes for a moment and ask yourself the question: how will I feel when I get what I want? Will I get pleasant emotions, a sense of satisfaction and joy?

4. Visualize future life. You can make collages, collect pictures of success. But this is not necessary, it is enough to keep a picture of your future in the focus, imagine it as bright as possible, in detail, using all the senses. What sounds will surround you at the point of achieving a dream? What images will you see? What will smell around? What objects around you will be? And tastes? The more often you scroll through the pictures before your eyes, the more the brain will get used to these images and implement them.

5. Work with limiting beliefs. It often happens that negative attitudes are sitting in the subconscious: “Being successful is dangerous”, “It is better not to stick out”. They prevent us from achieving goals, and our task is to replace them with opposite, more constructive. For this, there are special exercises and methods that can be practiced both independently and using a psychotherapist. The path is not short, and you don’t have to wait for instant results, but if you do not refuse attempts, continue what has begun, then everything will work out.

6. Act. The most important step that will definitely help to cope with the fear of success. You need to go forward. The road appears before those who move. Even a very small step forward is better than to stomp in the spot. A hard rhythm helps well, when you need to do a lot of things in a short time. Of course, this is a challenge to yourself, but in the end you will just have no time to be distracted by fears. Success will certainly come if you take steps to meet him.

Fear of success: we find pluses

Fear can interfere, but it carries positive points in itself:

  • Warns when something goes wrong. You can’t move further with these settings. It is necessary to urgently change them, act in a new way.
  • Protects against invasion of our personal territory. Who knows what is fraught with great success? Perhaps there will be no time left or will have to devote 20 hours a day of work? And we definitely need it?
  • Saves resources. Perhaps we need to gain strength before a decisive jerk. Revise priorities and evaluate the already achieved. Avoid unnecessary movements. Fear makes you stop and look at the situation from the side.

about the author

Anna Kutyavina -Psychologist, author of the Fairytale World project and training book “Pigging of desires”.

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